In order to raise awareness and end stigma, I feel deeply compelled to share my story: I have a mental illness - Bi-Polar Type I. I have been living with this disorder for most of my adult life; while I am open about my diagnosis with those who know me well, it is not something that I have ever before felt comfortable speaking about openly. October 10 is my “alive” day because that day marks my last unsuccessful attempt to die. Mental health issues are commonplace, yet, sadly, these conditions continue to be shrouded in stigma, unlike other medical conditions. If someone needs insulin for diabetes or chemotherapy for cancer, there is no stigma, just understanding, and sympathy. Yet often when people learn someone has a mental illness, the response is far from sympathetic and is full of misperception and judgment.
I am fortunate to have a strong support system and have deep gratitude for the support I have received over the years from my family and friends who have always been there for me during my darkest hours. My support systems have given me back my life and the ability to help others. It truly “takes a village.” Today, 60 million people worldwide have bipolar disorder. 1 in 5 people experience some type of mental illness, and suicide continues to be a chronic issue in society. On average, there are 121 suicides a day in the U.S. These statistics have the potential to grow considering the lack of understanding about and treatment available for mental illness.
Speaking from personal experience, when someone is suicidal, he or she is not being dramatic or selfish, it is not a ploy for attention, and it is most certainly not being faked. Depression left untreated can be lethal. Someone having suicidal ideations is truly in one of the loneliest places to be. He or she is completely isolated and totally convinced that his or her loved ones will be better off without them. I think this is why so many people say they didn’t see it coming when a loved one takes their own life.
Deciding to take one’s own life is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it takes great strength to go through with it. I know the extreme exhaustion and anxiety when 24/7 your mind is telling you that ending your life is the best and only option. That voice is loud, demanding, and relentless. I strongly believe that the “voice” is a symptom of the brain’s chemistry being completely skewed. The survival instinct in humans is so strong that we would do almost anything to stay alive. Thus, when the brain tells you to die, something is seriously wrong. The decision “to go through with it” is not a conscious choice. With a healthy brain, we resort to extreme measures if necessary to stay alive; for our brain to tell us to die, for the instinct to live to be overridden, the hardwiring for survival must be unwell.
Fortunately, there is treatment. I know that in addition to the support of my family and friends, regular visits to my psychiatrist and taking my medication are critical; however, I believe that it has been alternative methods such as yoga, mediation, and massage that have truly kept me sane. Kundalini Yoga in particular has changed my life. I had been self-medicating for years, but it is only since the addition of Kundalini Yoga and its science of balancing the nervous and glandular systems that the desire to use drugs and alcohol has diminished, and I finally feel mentally well. Kundalini Yoga is truly medicine for the mind. I now count every day as a blessing because my suicide attempts failed. I believe God has other plans for me. On my 50th birthday, I pledged to promote awareness and to use the skills I have learned over the years to help others manage their conditions. We rise by lifting others, and I can relate to the struggle. I feel blessed to have found my dharma. As a way of giving back, I have created a program called “STAY SANE with Kundalini Yoga.” This program includes specific meditations, exercises (kriyas), and support groups to promote optimal mental health. For more information about these classes, visit www.facebook.com/groups/579904875949315.